last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That accounts for only three of the penises
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
