K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
