Im at strip club and am horny
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
