Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
