That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this just has baby written all over it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
