Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
