i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
