i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
