I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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