So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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