I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The air taste purple.
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