We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
