Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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