i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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