4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
