Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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