The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I need a burrito and a hug.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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