I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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