u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
last night I used snow as a chaser
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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