ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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