I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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