Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
