I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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