I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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