I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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