ugly people sure do ruin things
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
