Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
