I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
