just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
