She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
