i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
