Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
