Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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