I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
