I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
