i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
