i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
