we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
