I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
