I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
