The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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