I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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