i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
