i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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