I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
