i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Acid is not a monday night drug
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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