so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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