Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
