I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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