bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
