I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
