bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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