He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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