when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
