i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
