i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
