How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
