i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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