At least make sure they are 18
Why
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
