I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
