alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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