Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
