Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
