I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
