Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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