I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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