we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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