You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
