i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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