On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
