Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
