DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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