he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Bring me that man meat
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
