I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
