i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
