OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
