I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
