The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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