Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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