So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
