Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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