How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
