Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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