Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
