The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
