I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
