While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
