im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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